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I have been close companions with a woman, who has faced and conquered many obstacles, and I respect her for that. However, she has been constantly blindsided by others. Her spouse walked away, and it was an unexpected event. A lot of her social circle drifted away at that point, since they had been focused solely on the spouse. It shocked her. She put in more effort in our friendship, and must have understood more acutely the essence of true friendship.

A Recurring Theme In Relationships

Throughout this period, several in her circle have disappeared and she isn't sure why. The company she worked for became hostile, despite the fact that she had been very skilled at her work, and she left not understanding what had changed.

Current Dynamics

In recent times, we have each retired and are seeing time together, but I am finding my role in the relationship is to listen. I open discussion points only for her to redirect them to things she cares about. In terms of politics, she has unyielding views. My effort is to suggest verifying facts or other angles.

She's been arranging a holiday to a nation I've visited repeatedly and lived in previously. My intention was to provide advice, however, my input met with resistance. She really just desired me to confirm her decisions. I recently come back from four weeks in that place she is eager to meet, however, I hesitate.

Evaluating the Situation

I am unwilling in this role who abandons suddenly without explanation, however, I feel she will ever understand the effect of her actions on how I feel about myself. Right now, I am in avoidance mode. How should I proceed?

Possible Paths

You could end things abruptly, but it is not often the easy answer we imagine. But confrontation with a view to resolution demands strength and readiness for each of you.

Professional advice indicates applying a effective method for resolving disputes:

"Step one is to state what typically happens when you talk. Aim for this to be based on facts and essentially exactly what occurs. The second involves sharing the way it leaves you feeling. There should be no disagreement here. Your feelings are your feelings, after all. Step three is to ask how you are both can shift the pattern between you."

Remember that she also holds perspectives, thus requiring you to be prepared to acknowledge it. One effective method involves stating her:

"Please share your thoughts and I promise to listen without interrupting for a set time."

It's remarkably successful to encourage understanding.

Closing Considerations

This person may dismiss all you say, since certain individuals have a “survival narrative”: they have a story of their life they won't let go of as it feels essential is tied to it and it represents they've known. This poses a challenge as there is no clear path here, just dead ends. However, she might at first react this way before reflecting about what you've said. And even if you don't achieve an agreement, it provides peace that you've been truthful.